Starting T: Some Thoughts

I don’t know if I’m hungrier, but I’m hungry more often and thinking about fast food is making me crazy.  Watching tv is killer- advertisements for Arby’s, Taco Bell, Dunkin Donuts, and McDonalds.  It’s a good thing I’m broke, because that stuff looks goooood.

Has anyone else gotten really thirsty on T?  I’ve been gulping down water and anything else lately, and therefore ending up needing to pee a ton more.  Its nearly been a feeling of constant thirst, at least every hour I get thirsty.

I felt like my morning throat, when my voice is deeper and rougher, was deeper and rougher than usual but returned to the same voice I usually have.  It has happened every morning so far, where I feel like I have a strained throat for ~2 hours.  Overall, my voice really hasn’t changed yet.

Many emotions are coming in with more intensity yet I feel more laid back about anything in the middle of the spectrum.  It’s hard to remember that I’m going to have to recalibrate the way I process my emotions.  When it comes down to it, I am enjoying the more expanded feelings and trying to work with them.  This is certainly one thing where it will be a transition for both myself and the people around me.  A benefit of this intensity is when I want to sit and study, I seem to be able to do it (and stay at it) once I put my mind to it.  Unfortunately, if I let my mind wander a bit, it’s really hard to get back on track as I get really excited about other things. (I say this while working on a blog post instead of studying for a quiz in 2 hours)
An unexpected and both good and bad effect of this emotional change is that I am far more assertive.  If I want something, I’m more confident (and go for it).  If someone is bothering me or taking advantage of me, I don’t take it as long before voicing my opinion.

The Differin is still doing a good job of working against my previous acne and oil, but now on T there is a huge increase how oily my face is, especially forehead.  All in all, my face is definitely breaking out, and this makes me very grateful that the differin is fighting against the acne.  Something that’s a little strange is that when I was in high school my acne was mostly on my forehead, but this seems to all be on my chin.  I suspect that some of it is facial hair/shaving issues.

I’m sweating a little bit more, especially when standing for long periods of time (ahem, teaching).  I don’t feel like my body odor has increased yet, and since this is one thing I’m apprehensive about I’m on the hyper lookout for it.

The scale of these changes makes me feel like that my students probably won’t notice them anytime soon, if at all.  We’re halfway through the semester with 7 weeks left.  On the midsemester evaluations the pronouns my students used for me are half and half, both she and he.  It’s really frustrating, but makes me even more hopeful for the changes that testosterone will bring.

Second shot went a lot better than the first. My doctor did the first shot in the top of my thigh.  While I have plenty of meat on my bones, I was nervous and tense, which made it even more painful.  To top that off, the needle disconnected from the syringe the first time she attempted to inject, which 1) was disconcerting to see happen   2) was painful and probably was part of the soreness I felt.   I self-injected the second shot (and will be doing the rest of them) in the side of my other thigh. I was at home, watching Grey’s Anatomy, relaxing and studying.  Overall I was a lot less tense when I went to do the shot, I didn’t have any problems with the needle disconnecting or hitting a vein.  I definetly needed a moment to breathe right before inserting the needle, but I am very much going to get used to injecting pretty quick.  I draw and inject with 1inch 25 gauge needles, half a cc at a time (50mg weekly).

I did start testosterone at the beginning of my midterms week, which has made for an overall very stressful experience- but not that much further beyond the stress I already have.  The unfortunate part was that as the week went downhill, it was hard to not feel down on taking testosterone.  The work week ended roughly, but I’ve managed to take step back and recognize that testosterone is still a good thing for my transition.  I’m so excited about the effects of testosterone, so far it has treated me well.