Selective Service (The Draft)

When I legally changed my name and gender in May of 2010, the Minnesota DMV (like many other states) automatically registered me for with the selective service. The selective service is the list from which young men would be “drafted”.

As many of you are aware, transgendered status is something that the US military does not permit for inclusion in the armed forces on an open status. Upon discovery you can be charged with serious infractions such as “impersonating an officer”, etc.  Only recently have cis-gendered non-heterosexual people been welcomed into the armed forces.

Prior to that change, my lesbian status kept me from joining the armed forces willingly- which was unfortunate for them since it would have been through ROTC with a background in chemistry.  I got past it, and accepted that if the country’s leaders were too idiotic to include  group of people then there was no way for me to serve my country.

 

I could have attempted to be currently opted out of the selective service- but I have not for 2 quick reasons:

1. It is simplest from a paperwork standpoint for federal support (especially school aid) to be in the system, which is required for most federal aid programs.
2. it is a countrymen’s duty to be registered for the draft. I understand that as transmen some may feel unqualified to fight in the battlefield, but the nature of war is continually changing and I don’t support an all-encompassing “trans people don’t serve” or “trans people don’t get drafted” policy.  I hope that at some point the military is able to include transpersons that do not have any over-arching issues preventing effective service.

Name Change Summary

I decided to summarize all of the steps that I’ve done/considered concerning my legal name (and gender) change into a nice little flowchart.  It’s extensive, and I no longer why just the name change made me feel a bit exhausted.  However, the simplicity that I’ve gotten from the name change has been wonderful and I wouldn’t give it up or even consider living with the wrong name again.

Enjoy.

Name Change Simplicities and Complexities

I’m in this time between with my name change.  Because of how I worded the gender marker change, I’m waiting on my amended birth certificate before I can get a “male” drivers license…

but I’ve notified my student loan lenders, bank, credit card, the SSA, and my work.

Having credit cards with my name on them finally has been both a blessing and a curse.  I was at the grocery store when the automatic checkout wanted a signature verification, and after greeting me as sir the checker asked to see my card.  Awkward situation avoided.  Of course at the airport trying to make changes to a flight I booked for Elizabeth (since my gov’t ID’s aren’t updated yet) and tried to make a purchase with my new credit card, the teller asked to see ID.  Well, here’s my old credit card and the ID that matches it. When asked to show something that links the 2 cards, I nicely told him that I don’t have documentation that I’m a transgendered male and in the middle of my name change.  He accepted my explanation of the truth, fortunately.

The majority of the cost of the name change was incurred by court fees, but I know that there will probably be more unexpected side costs. I’ll loose about $150/year more on car insurance once I have a male drivers license.

Filing fee: $320
Certified copies: $56
Birth certificate change: $45
(New drivers license $13.50)

The biggest part of the fight is over.  The pros outweigh the cons.  The relief from knowing that my life is actually becoming more simple when it comes to my name change is phenomenal.

Optimism and Positivity

I’m an optimist. I’m an optimist until it hurts.  and then some.

At any rate, I’m also generally pretty positive- when things go downhill I try to stay facing up.  I could find the silver lining in the cloud of soot above a coal-fueled power plant.  Even if the glass isn’t half full, I’m just glad if it has something in it.

What’s awesome in my life right now?

• I get a lot of support at work.  Between my group members, the secretaries that know *who* I am, and the nearly-random people that are also in the department, I get a lot of encouragement.  It makes it a lot easier to think that you can do something when there’s even one person rooting for you.  When its pretty much your whole department… you don’t just think you can do it, you know you can do it.
• The changes to my body from working out and being on T for over 2 months means that I am easily strong enough to make the throw from shortstop to first base… which means I’ve essentially been promoted.  Rock on.  I love the infield.
• Name change stuff is really coming together.  I have new checks, my credit card bill came for Drew, and my debit card came in the mail last weekend.  It’s so queer… I love it.
• When I went to the SSA office, the teller asked for a letter from my surgeons to change my gender marker.  I calmly told her that what’s in my pants is no one else’s business.  The look on her face still makes me smile. (I have to go back and change my gender marker once I get my new birth certificate)
• No period. At all.  Definitely should have had one if I was going to… I approve.
• I ordered new glasses.  They’re super hot and nerdtastic.  I’ll have them by Monday.
• I don’t notice my voice change much anymore, but people still remark how it’s continuing to drop.  Makes me look forward to teaching even more!

Video: 8 Weeks on T

I’m burning the candle at both ends right now to finish up this school year- but life has been too good to not make a video.

I was optimistic about my voice dropping- and I’m still pleasantly surprised by how it has dropped so far.  Not too many other obvious changes, mostly slow development of more muscle and redistribution of fat (hello beer gut).

Name Change Day! (cinco de mayo)

I’m very very VERY excited.

I’ve also been doing a lot of things to make sure I can get all of my documentation changed over as efficiently as possible.  Wednesday morning I appeared before a referee, who then makes her recommendation to a judge.  Judges generally agree with the referee, and once my order is signed by the judge the court will mail me my certified copies.

My actual courtroom experience was surreal.  When I submitted my petition for name change I was told to be in room 131a at 9am and given my case number.  I brought my 2 witnesses (friends from undergrad that happen to have also moved to Minneapolis- they meet the criteria of having known me for >1 year by several years). When I got to the courtroom there were already several other small groups of people waiting, and I checked in at the shorter desk by where the judge (actually a referee, but it’s a silly distinction) sits.  I have no idea what this person is technically called, but she acted as a secretary and swore people in.  I sat through several cases of settlements for minors (insurance claims) and other name changes.  All of the other name change cases except for my own and one other were cases of divorce and taking a maiden last name, which was sort of depressing but also made me think about how my name change is a very positive move for me.  None of the cases were declined, but sitting on the wooden benches and being all kinds of serious was making me very nervous.  Of course my hands were sweating and I really wanted to hold someone’s hand, but I just kind of bounced my leg and waited my turn.  Finally my case was called and both myself and my witnesses stepped up to the podiums in front of the judge and were sworn in.  After hearing the judge ask people for their current name and cringing at the fact that the answer she was looking for to that question would be my (old) legal name, I was very relieved when she asked for my “present legal name” and “the name I wanted to change it to”. In addition to the sensitive phrasing of that question, the judge always used male pronouns when referring to me (as did my witnesses, of course). When she asked me why I wanted to change my name, I responded that I “have transitioned female to male”.  I couldn’t help but smile a bit when I said that.  My witnesses were asked how they knew me and for how long, and if they thought I was trying to defraud anyone, and that was that.  The judge said that she’d certainly grant my petition, and I felt so relieved. I literally felt lighter walking out of the courthouse.
I had considered putting off my name change until after my top surgery since I was both unsure if the gender change petition would be granted as well as I didn’t know if I should put the ~$400 that the name change involves towards my top surgery first- but I’m really glad I went for the name change.  Being an unofficial human being is annoying.

I did put a lot of thought into what I was wearing to the trial, mostly because I wanted to pass to the best of my ability, feel confident about myself, and still be comfortable. (8 weeks on T)

Now…

Once I receive the certified copies in the mail I will:

• Mail 1 along with $45 to the dept of health from my birth state to receive 2 copies of my new birth certificate
• Take 1 to the local DMV to update my drivers license
• Take 1 to my local SSA office to update my social security card
• Alert the companies in charge of my student loans
• Fax a copy of one to my credit card company
• Take 1 to my bank
• Take my new social security card to my Univ ID office
• Take 1 with me to the DMV to transfer my car title
• Register for the draft (yes, you have to)

After speaking with State Farm (they consulted their underwriter) I will be updating my insurance policies when my drivers license is updated- so that my insurance card matches my license.  My premiums will be going up as well (about $10/month even with my clean record).  State Farm was very helpful and courteous throughout the whole process but probably wasn’t quite as entertained as I am by it all.  The funny thing is that going into my transition, when I realized that my car insurance rates would go up, I thought it was completely ridiculous.  I have to admit… and oh it pains me… but now that I’m on testosterone I’m not quite as good of a driver as I was before.

The whole day rocked pretty hard.  After my trial I went home and read some of the papers I needed to read for lecture before having lunch with previously mentioned person I’m dating.  I stayed at work until ~630pm, ran errands since softball practice was canceled due to weather, made myself a chicken, bacon, and cheese sandwich, and followed that up with drinks and many games of pool.  Not such a terrible day for the Wednesday before final exams.

Edit: I just spotted this story on cnn.com- Chaz Bono’s legal name and gender change was also approved. Check it out here.

Pronoun Update 6

I often hear the phrase “preferred pronouns” in reference to how a (usually trans/genderqueer)person would like to be referred to.  I am at a point in my transition when this phrase seems far too passive for me.  I prefer to sit in the window seat when flying, but I’m not going to upgrade to first class just to get it.  I prefer to have a middle piece of brownies, but will still eat the edges.  I prefer to sleep on my back, but will spoon on my side as well.  I prefer MacOS, but don’t think the world will end if I’m on a Windows computer.  I demand that people use the masculine pronouns, my pronouns, when referring to me.

Lately I have gotten far more he’s and his than before, but the she’s still roll  in occasionally.  After introducing myself as Drew to my (gay) softball team, someone used she in reference to me during the meeting and the conversation moved on before I could correct this person.  A few students still use female pronouns when referencing me, but I’m noticing more male pronouns as my voice drops noticeably. Slip ups are few and far between, but a professor called me by my birth name in class earlier this week as well, in between calling me Drew several times.  It happens, and people are changing with me, so I can let it be.
I am working to communicate better with my family how important my name and pronouns are for me.  I know that switching names is difficult for the people that named you and/or have known you for a long time, but we’re all working together on nicknames that really bridge to solid middle ground.  I’m also visiting them in a month and a half and think that time with them in person will make my transition a more than just a drop in my voice over the phone.

At the point when I can call this someone that I’m seeing my girlfriend, what will she call me? A while ago I stumbled to find the answer- caught between my identity as male and her identity as a lesbian. As I pondered this duality, I realized that compromising my masculine expression won’t do anything but hurt the possibility of a strong relationship down the road since we won’t understand each other rightly. While I hesitate to make statements for her- from my perspective, the two of us work as a pair because my identity as queer, masculine, and transgendered compliments her identity as a femme lesbian- not contradicts it as it might seem on the surface.

I use:

Drew
Dz
Dizzy
he
his
him
sir
Mr.
Softball Jersey: Mr Mister

I am:

son
brother
(someday) boyfriend
(someday) dad
(hopefully) Dr.

4 Weeks on T (Video)

Graduate School: Publications, Presentations, and Theses

I’ve talked about being a graduate-level TA and a transman, but so far most of my professional life as far as research and classes has gone relatively smoothly.  One thing has come up, so I wanted to jot down a few thoughts about it and some related notes.

Earlier this week I received an email from my undergraduate research advisor- and in it’s closing she let me know that she’s working on publishing the work I did for over 2 years.  While I am pleasantly shocked at the caliber of the journal, I am also know that I wasn’t planning on having my name changed legally by the time this article will likely be published.

I could request that I am referenced under my new name, but publishing in the scientific context (what is considered) a pseudonym reduces credibility- definitely not something I want. The other option is to leave my name as it is legally for the publication and include it in my CV with a note about a previous name.  This would make living perfectly stealth down the road impossible, but that isn’t something I plan on doing.

I already have a nice little list of presentations under my birth name and plan on keeping those on my record for a while as I build up more respectable presentations during my graduate work.  I know that when I work with collaborators and they’re given my name, if they look into my past experience they aren’t going to find anything.  Currently, my very recent work and past work aren’t connected.  When I do class presentations now, even when the slides are going on the internet, I use my new name as opposed to my birth name.

In the next year I will be writing my masters thesis and doing my oral defense for my masters.  The masters degree is something that I do not want under my birth name, I think it would be trivial for me to not have my name changed legally by then. Goal?  Yes, yes it is.

Would I honestly like to be referenced in what could be a decent journal article under my real name? Yes, yes I would.  We’ll see what I can do.

Pronoun Update 5

Other than the internet world, everywhere else my pronoun preference has been very vague for the last 6 months plus.

That said, so many people at work/school (basically the only aspect of my life) actually use male pronouns for me.  At the beginning of the semester, I officially asked everyone in my office to use male pronouns and Drew (instead of Elizabeth) or Dz (as they had previously been using).  Once a day or so, someone slips up and says she or her.

Since starting to live as a male full-time this semester, the effect of the wrong pronouns has been much more striking.  Often, I feel like someone just kicked my puppy and I wonder if that disappointment makes it to my face.  The fractured pronoun usage makes me so much more anxious about how well I’m passing and makes my body dysphoria deeper, feelings of misalignment lasting for hours or the rest of the day.

Sometimes I wonder if they’re trying hard enough.  Generally they correct themselves (which tells me I know my face is showing some of these intense emotions I feel), but even worse is that I feel like they’re not getting me.  Overall, the people I work with have been excellent with my transition, but pronouns are a tricky business.

I haven’t explicitly asked my family to use male pronouns or Drew instead of Elizabeth- but I did tell them that I am ok with Sis (the nickname).  I haven’t explained that I am awkward about being called the oldest daughter.  I know that if I ask them too soon, they won’t be able to work on it and it will only generate the feelings I get from my coworkers/peers but on a much more personal level.

It’s encouraging how good my ex is with calling me Drew or sir or Dz or whatever.  It’s encouraging how understanding my friends from undergraduate are with the transition process, but I know that we’re very separated (by about an 8+ hour drive).  It’s encouraging how settled I am in Drew (and Dz, though that’s been a nickname for 3 years)- I’ve finally put a name on all the feelings I’d capped up for so many years.

It’s just going to take time. Gender transitions don’t happen overnight (I’m reminding myself of this, repeating it in my head to ease frustration) and I certainly wouldn’t want that to happen and not feel settled in myself.  Tomorrow, it might be better.  Next week, there’s a good chance it could be better.  Next semester, things will be looking up.  I can only change my life a day at a time, so that’s how I’ve got to live it- taking advantage of every day in it’s unique way.

he, his, him, sir, Dz, Drew
(yes, the capitalization of Dz has changed)