Finished My First-Year Classes!

Hopefully, that’s all I have to take in terms of classes- pending I passed them all and I pass my oral examination without a clause that I need to take more classes.

What did I do once I finished? (besides for going to the bathroom because I had been holding it while putting the final touches on my paper)  I scheduled a consult for top surgery.  Less that two weeks from now.

I did it.  I’m making my life happen for myself.

At the beginning of this week I was headed to the grocery store at sunset and contemplating all of the things I had to make happen to finish the year. Up in the sky, the sun caused a rainless rainbow. I love rainbows. They’re always the brighter side of any situation. I took that time to remember all of the things I had already accomplished this year, and look forward to what it would feel like when it is all actually done.

I’m going to try to take the next 4-5 days and get my mental health back in order.  Not depression-wise, that’s all good- but my general stress level is high, high high. Over a week ago was my name change trial and everything has been building since then.  I’ve been scrambling to make sure everything goes smoothly for the last week of school on top of working towards getting some name change stuff taken care of.

This means that physically my body is really tense, and to make matters worse I haven’t had time to work out so I feel sedentary and overweight.  I haven’t really just hung out (not while doing work) with anyone for over 2 weeks, and even when I hang out with people while working I’m so strung out I tend to be snappy and not very much fun.

I don’t know if the testosterone has made the stress worse.  I know that this year of grad school has been more intense work than any other year of school I’ve had before, so my navigation of the stress is not all an alteration of the testosterone.

So… I’m going to go home from work a little early.  I’m going to weightlift until I can barely move.  I’m going to make breakfast (BREAKFAST) for dinner.  I’m going to order new glasses (my left eye went from -2.25 to -2.75 in the last year). I’m going to come to work tomorrow for my office hours and work on research all day. I’m going to the SSA office.  I’m going to spend time with the person I’m dating and not be a total asshole. I’m going to the batting cages. I’m going to do laundry. I’m going to do all the things that I haven’t been able to do lately.  I’m going to take care of myself.