Father’s Day: I Will Be a Dad Someday

I have this list… of events that I’m really looking forward to.  As in, days where the one defining feature is so outstanding that no one or nothing can ruin that day as long as that one thing happens.  Graduation from undergraduate was one such day, so was my first day on testosterone.

Other events I can foresee on this list, in approximate life order:

• top surgery
• getting my master’s degree/2nd year oral defense
• my partner and I committing to our relationship for life
• getting my PhD
• every time I become a father to someone

Being a dad is something I’ve known that I would be, long before I defined my gender as male.  I’ve always been masculine/butch, and in that way I identify with the father role.  Granted, my definitions of family roles are looser than my grasp on quantum relativity, but perhaps that’s how I’ve always identified as someone destined to be dad.

Beyond the butch things I do around the house because I actually like to (fix things, grill, wax the cars, mow the lawn, home improvement), I would be paternal with my children.  Stern when the occasion calls for it, kind eyes and hugs to show compassion, constant enforcement of the ideals that I think will bring them up to be good people, protective against any pain I can prevent, and unrelenting encouragement as they seek their dreams- that’s what I aspire to do as a father.

I could live without the dad title.  The presence of a sperm donor or some other male figure in the child’s life won’t change the way I treat my kids.  I ran across a blog quite some time ago that echoed a lot of my feelings as far as fatherhood by someone born in a female body, and she wrote a specific post that I adore.  Beyond every insightful part of the proclamation, what makes the idea of Baba’s Day so amazing- is that for quite some time I was unable to say the name I was born with and began to call myself Baba.

My dad is a great father.  He’s not perfect, but there’s no doubt in my mind that he loves me.  That is the number one thing (beyond the amazing work ethic, determined attitude, and appreciation for the inner child) that I want to have learned from my father- that a parent always loves their children.