Pronoun Update 7

My views on pronouns have changed quite a bit over the last month- probably as a result of passing more.
To start with, I went through airport security twice on my recent trip to visit family and was sir-ed at least once each time. I love being called sir. I’ve been getting it occasionally since I was about 15, but now I’m getting it regularly and it feels fantastic. Part of how amazing it feels to be called sir is that I’m working hard to get it- not only do I have to pass to get “sir” but I also have to look my age to avoid getting “big guy” and other patronizing comments generally reserved for smaller boys in their early teens. My five year plan for myself includes being “doctor” once I have my PhD, but I think sir is always going to be my favorite.
Something unexpected is how my interactions went with my family in regards to my transition. Discussions about surgery and the effects of testosterone aside (only because there’s enough there to warrant at least one post to itself) my family was actually respectful of my transition to what I feel like was the best of their abilities. Significant effort was made to call me Drew by everyone but my dad. Even the sister that couldn’t stand to be around me at Christmas because I’m “against her morals” called me Drew. I’m still floored how well everyone (but my dad) adapted to my new name. I’m not sure what my dad’s major malfunction was with my name, he was even going “who?” when my stepmom would call me Drew. I had the privilege of having lunch with my grandparents on the first day of my trip. I’m not sure what it was, but I’m especially touched by my grandfather calling me Drew and asking how graduate school has been going (and calling me smart). Maybe it’s some underlying validation after seeing him bond with my male cousin (previously the oldest male grandchild) at the family reunion this summer, maybe it’s nice to be reminded that my life is interesting outside of my freakshow transition, maybe it’s refreshing to feel smart, but regardless of the motivation- it feels good.
While my name ended up being a bigger deal to me than I expected, my pronouns ended up not mattering to me nearly as much with my family as they do with other people. By and large, I know that my family had 22 years to adjust to me as their little girl and that the semantics of my name and pronouns will take a long time- but I’ve just put a lot of effort into getting my name legally changed to simplify my relationship with my credit cards and IDs- and it would have felt something like running up a hill and off the ledge at the top if I had just spent a week with everyone calling me Elizabeth.
There were moments when pronouns did matter. My stepmom called me she at the post office while we were chatting with the clerk, and it felt like a bit of a slap in the back of the head to who I am- but I recognize that some of my aversion to the wrong pronouns in public is internalized transphobia. And that’s ridiculous. So I’m not going to pick fights about that shit. What was awesome? Ordering a beer with dinner one night, the waitress asking for my ID, internally cringing that I’m handing her a female drivers license, and as I’m doing so a good family friend saying “thank you so much for asking, we were just telling him how old he looks” jokingly to the waitress in regards to I better be carded since I look barely 16.
So my pronouns? Definitely masculine. I go by Drew or Dz. I look forward to being a good boyfriend, husband, and father. I’m linked to a past of growing up as a female, but my future is in a generally male appearance. I don’t fit any cookie cutter definitions, but in the operating rules of a female/male general society, that I submit to, I identify as male.

Binders Review: Overview

I was on Tumblr yesterday when I spotted this post, as it was reblogged by FuckYeahFTMs.  While I am a big sponsor of being frugal and living cheaply… I wanted to save some guys the expense  if my experience can help them out.

Basically, the Tumblr post brings to light the GC2 Compression Tanks, and how they are sold pretty cheaply (~$20) on eBay.  My experience is in comparison with the Underworks 997 tanks that are more expensive (~$35) but in my opinion very much worth it.

No binding will be comfortable physically but the emotional comfort that can be achieved makes it all worth it.

This goes without saying for all my posts, but I’m going to say it explicitly here because of this post contains a number of pictures of me that I am not exactly comfortable with.  The pictures I have taken of myself are my property, and should not be taken or hotlinked without my consent.  However, feel free to link to this blog post.

To start with: my body type.  I’m not slender, I have extra weight in both muscle and fat.  Average Joe anyone? My cup size pre-transition was between a C and D.  After 3 months on T and ~9 months of binding regularly, they’re less resistant and down at a C cup.  I prefer tank-style binding because it accommodates my broad shoulders (and regardless of where you are pre-T, your shoulders will build up on T).  Psychologically, wearing a bra feels weird, and though I started binding with frog bras… as you will see momentarily it doesn’t do much concealing of my chest.

First: My current binding situation.  I generally double up on Underworks 997’s (size medium) because I don’t like wearing baggy clothes, but prefer to wear tshirts and fitted button-ups.  This is actually pretty comfortable, but I do breathe easier when I go to bed and take the binders off.

Second: When I play sports, I bind with only 1 Underworks tank to lessen any strain on my back to prevent injury.  There is a subtle difference in the binding, but it is apparent in person.

Third: How I used to bind, ish.  I held off on buying the Underworks tanks because they are a significant investment, especially for sir frugal, and in that time I managed to find a reasonably effective method of binding.  I would put on a frog bra, then a very tight 3-4in elastic band held closed with a safety pin and duct tape, and finally a small GC2 compression tank.  This was very uncomfortable, and of course there were instances of the elastic band becoming loose.  Additionally, I couldn’t wear this while playing sports.  I couldn’t get myself to attempt to put that binding setup back on today, but I did put the frog bra on and layered the GC2 tank over it.

Fourth: For shits and giggles, I tried the GC2 tank on without the Frog Bra underneath for direct comparison with the second section of just one underworks tank.

In summary: The GC2 tank is less expensive, but doesn’t really *bind* worth a crap.  It can help minimize the curvature of a chest, as they are designed for people with masculine chests and slightly enlarged breast tissue.  I’m a huge fan of the Underworks 997 tank, and the actual binding and durability has made it well worth the extra money. (no I’m not paid by Underworks nor have I ever received a free binder from them… despite how nice that would be)